How to Create a Calm Down Corner in Literally Any Location

If you haven’t heard of a “calm down corner” then you are definitely missing out. These small and simple areas have been designed for children that are feeling overwhelmed or just need a break to re-center themselves. Calm-down areas are very popular in classrooms for younger students or those with any kind of disability. I, personally, believe that they can be useful for anyone at any time.

I know it is labeled as a “corner” but you don’t need a corner for the theory to work. Of course, Patrick Swayze would never allow such a relaxing place to be in a dark corner.

Let’s Talk Calm Down

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I think Lonestar said it best in their song “Mr. Mom,” sometimes life is just extremely overwhelming not only for parents or adults but for children as well. Everyone, at one point or another, needs to take a step back to regain their composure and regulate their complicated emotions.

“Football, soccer, and ballet, Squeeze in scouts and PTA, And there’s that shopping list she left Thats seven pages long, How much smoke can a stove make? Kids wont eat my charcoal cake, It’s more than any man can take, Being Mr. Mom, Well, Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer, Crayons go up one drawer higher, Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time, Breakfast six, naps at nine, There bubblegum in the baby’s hair, Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair, Been crazy all day long, And it’s only Monday- Mr. Mom!”
Lonestar- Mr. Mom

What is a Calm Down Corner?

Well, it can be a corner. Or it could not. It all depends on what you or the situation has available. No matter what, the point is to have a safe location for someone to process their emotions or reactions.

Separated from others, children and adults, but it is useful for it to be still within line of sight for safety and so the child does not feel isolated. Though some children would benefit from total removal from the situation, that is not always the case. If possible, it would be nice to set up a physical barrier of some kind. Low bookshelves or furniture that an adult could see over but it feels like a secret hideaway for the child.

A calm-down corner is meant to be useful for kids, rather than something they view as a punishment or playtime. Later on in this post we will discuss the importance of introducing the corner to children and setting expectations.

Set rules for the corner as well. Will your child need to ask before going there, or can they simply take a few minutes there as needed? The space should be limited to one child at a time, it’s not a place to play. A time limit can be an important aspect. Setting a timer for 5 minutes will help the child know how much time they have left. If needed, they could always ask for an extension.

What is Found in a Calm Down Corner?

When you think Calm Down Corner, I want you to think of a cozy paradise that your child will feel safe in. Really, I think if the space is somewhere you would want to spend time, then you are on the right track.

calm down corner example with blanket, pillows, and toys

Calm Down Corners should feel safe, cozy, comfortable, and inviting. There are so many options on how you can accomplish this with the use of mats, pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals. (Just be sure there is no sleeping.) Use a soft mat or interlinking foam flooring, and seating such as a bean bag chair so your child has a comfortable spot to sit or lay.

If you have the wall space, hang posters and signs to guide kids. This kit from Natalie Lynn Kindergarten has resources for helping identify feelings and find ways to regain calm. Include books for children to read or learn from. Some suggestions can be found here and here.

A calm down kit is just a container containing small toys, sensory activities, and fidgets that your child can use in the corner to help them self-regulate. These include things like scented markers, a stress ball, squishy toys, puzzles, coloring pages, favorite books, stuffed animals, calm down glitter jars, etc.

Stock your calm-down corner with a few meaningful toys and tools. A pair of noise-canceling headphones will help overstimulated kids find a little quiet, while fidget toys are an ideal way to work off some nervous energy. Find all of our favorite options for your calm-down kit here.

Calm-down jars are a popular tool, too. Kids will be mesmerized as they shake these jars and watch the colors mix, then magically separate again. How to Make a Calm Down Jar.

More than Calm Down

Children need structure. They thrive when their lives are consistent and predictable. This is true for all children but especially important for kids who struggle with rigid thinking. One of the many ways to add structure to your child’s life is by structuring your home.

Setting up different areas in your home for different parts of the day, activities, or routines helps your child feel safe and secure in their own home. The calming corner gives your child a safe place to go when they have strong emotions. A calm down corner, a homework station, a craft center, etc are all ways to add this structure to your home.

Will This Actually Help my Child?

Children don’t misbehave because they want to. They misbehave because they don’t possess the necessary skills required to manage and control their behaviors when they’re in distress.

feelings chart using familiar movies and colors

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize our feelings, and the feelings of others (empathy), and to use that information to guide how you think and behave. Early development of emotional intelligence begins with identifying core emotions, such as happy, sad, mad, tired. Later, we develop the ability to recognize more complex feelings, such as annoyed vs furious. Finally, we learn to use this emotional information to guide behavior and manage emotions through self-regulation.

We often tell kids “it’s okay, you don’t need to be sad/mad”, or we isolate them when they feel this way, sending the message that these feelings should be shunned and hidden. Children should never feel ashamed of their emotions or feel like they’re being punished for feeling a certain way. It’s important to let them know that the way they are feeling is okay. Instead, unpleasant emotions can be a learning experience.

Your calm down corner will help your child learn that their feelings are valid but certain reactions to those feelings are not. That knowledge will come through frequent practice and mutual emotional regulation opportunities.

Help Children Learn from Their Mistakes

Calm-down activities help children to regulate their big emotions in order to decrease negative behavior. It is a positive and non-punitive alternative to time-outs that helps children develop emotional regulation, provides structure, and leaves them feeling safe and secure.

Your child should know that everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay to make mistakes, but we need to learn from those mistakes. Explain to your child that making a mistake can make you feel bad for a little while, but it doesn’t mean that you are bad.

Continue to reassure your child that their feelings are normal and valid. But, once they’re calm, explain the impact their actions have on others. Understanding how their behavior affects the way other people feel is an important part of developing emotional intelligence.

Introduce the Calming Corner to your Child

Once your calm down corner is completed, it’s important to spend time in the corner with your child. You can’t teach children how to calm down when they’re already upset. Once your child’s feelings are escalating, they can no longer learn.

This must be practiced together many, many times when calm before your child will successfully use these strategies independently.

Some ideas as you introduce your new calming corner:

Spend time relaxing in the corner with your child.
Take time to look at the posters together. Read the different emotions on the feelings chart to familiarize your child with different emotive words.
Do the calming activities together, like coloring, stretching, hugging a toy, etc.
Play the Peacemakers game from Generation Mindful, which is included in the Time-In toolkit.

What if your child refuses to use the calm-down corner?

A common obstacle you may encounter, especially at first, is that when your child is dysregulated, and you suggest they use the calming corner, their reply will be a big, fat, “NO!”.

When your child’s in this state, they’re using their hindbrain and won’t be responsive to direction. You’ll need to de-escalate the situation first. Ideally, you want to get your child in the calming corner before this happens but sometimes that’s inevitable, no matter how preventative we try to be.

Try some of these 18 de-escalation strategies when your child is struggling to help defuse the situation first, then guide your child to calm down and help them with mutual regulation strategies.

Model Appropriate Behavior

When your child is upset, or in crisis mode, having a meltdown, do you get upset too? Think about how you react in these situations.

Remember that it’s perfectly normal and expected to feel distressed when your child is emotional. But, what’s important to remember and display at the moment is that your emotions don’t control your behavior — you do.

Staying calm and compassionate (parental regulation) when your child is upset teaches them that their feelings are okay. Plus, it models the very same calming strategies that you’re trying to teach. Stress can be contagious but so can calmness. Make sure you practice your calming strategies to successfully stay calm, even when your child isn’t.

Using a Calm Down Area in Any Location

As mentioned before, there are calm down kits that can help add to your calm down corner. If you make these kits in a backpack or a bag, they become completely portable!

Your child having a meltdown in a store? Crying in the car? Difficulty at a family gathering? Having a mobile calm down kit will help your child to apply their newly learned skills in different environments. As well as, hopefully, minimizing the length of negative behavior.